Amber Eyes
by Berlioz II
Summary: Satoshi muses on Risa during lunch.


_Yep. Another SatoRisa oneshot just __'cause I could do it. Not much else to say other than enjoy. :)_

_DNAngel © Yukiru Sugisaki, 1997  
Original Story © Berlioz II, 2009_

* * *

Mesmerizing.

That was the word that perhaps best described them. Mesmerizing.

It wasn't a regular thought to come out of Satoshi Hiwatari. For that most everybody would agree on. But then again, nobody said anything about this anomaly as Satoshi was sure to not ever mention anything about it. Not even accidentally.

Still it was something that Satoshi allowed to penetrate through his closely guarded consciousness every once and again, though still only rarely daring to entertain them for long for fear of more dire consequences he always had to be mindful about.

But on occasion he permitted himself a little more freedom. Just a slight amount to make his life feel at least a little bit more tolerable and not start to feel like an inhuman puppet who had to reign in his emotions and qualities that made him human. Just so that he would not loose himself entirely in the maze of denial he could never escape from if he let it go on so long that he'd forget what it was like to be outside from that cold and empty room his life mostly was.

And this was one of those definite escapes he allowed most freely to exist when the demon inside of him was not seeing it: The eyes of Harada Risa.

They say eyes are the mirror to one's soul, and in many ways Satoshi had to agree to this. Looking over from his desk to the aforementioned girl, happily chatting away with her friends on the class' lunch break, their boxes of bento out, this perspective was only strengthened - as it always was.

Satoshi prided himself in being a most observant person, and that his skills of psychological analysis were quite high for someone his age. So, with that charge nothing really pleased him more than to study people as his own little recreational activity when off duty. To observe and recognise their mannerisms, personalities, and little details that made them who they were. And to this end their eyes were always the perfect place to find out much of this information from.

Harada Risa… he could not readily think of anybody who was such a complete and utter opposite of himself. Whereas Satoshi's life was always lonely and restricted to a set pattern of almost mechanical actions and timetables to prevent the arising of dangerous stimuli, Risa's was almost completely and utterly carefree and flexible.

It was a curious feeling that Satoshi always got when it came to the girl. The logical side of his brain always scolded him for thinking of them and in all truthfulness it was highly unlikely the two would ever really make for particularly close or good friends anyway. A Dark fangirl who stuck her nose into too many things, often leaving herself prone to dangers she had no way to get out from on her own, and usually required somebody else to pull her away from them. In short, a rather brainless girl who didn't logically think of her actions, and too often jumped into anything that first entered her head on a moment's notice.

But… at the same time, Satoshi couldn't but feel slightly envious of her. _Slightly_ being the keyword. But for Satoshi that was already something. And in a way, he secretly wished he could have the same… even for a day. To just do what ever he wanted without the danger of repercussions. To be so free and live as if there were no worries in the world. To throw himself headlong into situations and worry about consequences later.

It was a hopeless romantic daydream, of course, and certainly had no possible connection to anything he had in his life, but still just the thought of it was so enticing.

But what made this particular example more interesting than others similar to her - and indeed there were many - was the utter _joy_ that seemed to just radiate from her. A joy that spoke of untold prisms of exultation and celebration connected to the concept of being alive. Like beams that could almost be seen with the naked eye, and which managed to light up any environment she chanced to grace.

This was not something Satoshi often remembered observing in other people, let alone other similar girls who likewise gushed about their silly romantic dreams and guys. Even those in Risa's immediate circle of friends didn't have that _something _that Risa seemed to have in abundance.

And it was this that Satoshi identified this as being the emotion of an overwhelming sense of "joy". Harada Risa loved life. Of this Satoshi was certain even with his limited knowledge of what such a life possibly was like.

But he didn't need to have that kind of experience to be able to see it. Risa could show that quite well on her own with no margin for error. It reflected from her entire being. Her body language always told of the affection she had to other people with her always hugging her friends in greeting as she entered the classroom, and how she'd often profusely send out signals on how she was feeling at any given moment. She also was proficient in the art of blushing for even minor reasons, and she usually was among the first girls to show concern to her other classmates should she see something bothering them.

She always smiled. Almost without fail, she always seemed to have a smile on her face, and only very rarely had Satoshi noticed it to falter… those moments always causing him to take a bit of extra notice due to this being so rare. And then there were those eyes… those captivating, sparkling mirrors of luminescence. Those eyes that most significantly spoke of such earnestness and of such openness that Satoshi at times was almost afraid to look at them directly should they end up reflecting something he did not wish or dare to see. Something that could possibly even pierce his well-protected wall he always had to so rigidly hold up.

But still, the effect was always the same. They were perhaps the single most interesting aspect of the girl. They were so bright. So lustrous. So… innocently charming and so utterly open… everything Satoshi's were not.

He had never seen anything like this in any other girl he had ever seen. Not even those pesky fangirls who always flocked around him with stars in _their _eyes even if their attention was completely unwanted. To Satoshi they always came across as somehow pretentious and insincere, as if trying to worship an idol instead of what they so profusely seemed to always assure was "love". No. Risa had transcended that kind of shallowness by allowing her eyes shine brightly straight into her heart and soul, as if boldly stating that "I have nothing to hide! Go ahead and look."

At times Satoshi felt like wanting to walk up to her and warn her about the dangers of letting people see so much. Yet, he didn't want to do this. And not only for reasons of staying disconnected from people, but in a strange way, he liked to see this girl's happiness and love for life, and her frank openness. Perhaps it was a fallout from Satoshi's own non-existent enjoyment in his own life and the requirement to stay as closed off as he could, but somehow watching Risa made the world seem just slightly less of a bad and gloomy place. It almost gave him a promise to hope. To think that maybe one day it _could _be possible for him too to experience a little piece of that happiness and sunshine he longed for, and in which she basked every single day.

It was a bit of a farfetched idea he admitted, but still… just looking at Risa's eyes made everything somehow feel possible and indeed not as farfetched as he thought.

Glancing away from Risa for a moment, he laid his eyes on the other person he had made an almost profession out of, Niwa Daisuke.

Of course, Daisuke was the person he had spent the most amount of time observing, as he was the primary reason for him being in Azumano Middle School to begin with… or rather his secret alter ego Dark was. But with the current thoughts running in his head, he couldn't help but compare his best - and likely only - friend to that of Risa since they both seemed to share the so-called "happy" persona.

Without question both were people who rather wanted to be happy and friendly as a general rule… Daisuke, one could say, almost to a fault. To try and make the most of their lives with the cards that were dealt to them. Yet Daisuke's happiness was considerably more gentle and understated… more subtle than Risa's exuberant and overflowing, heart-on-sleeve approach. Satoshi liked this as well, though he sometimes did wonder how much more open Daisuke would have been if Dark wasn't there to disrupt his life. Perhaps not that much more so, since he had been somewhat shy and considerate of his actions even before Dark came into the picture, as Satoshi had noted during his pre-observations he had conducted as he began his infiltration to Daisuke's class.

But still Daisuke did have a certain sense of innocence to him, too; something that gave him a feeling of purity that Satoshi had never known, or remembered ever having himself. In a way it was really no wonder that he had ended up originally attracted to Risa, which Satoshi suspected was largely do to her open attitude than her looks alone that pulled a cord in Daisuke's heart, though Satoshi supposed the latter might just as well have also played a part in his reasons. But that, of course, never came to be as he well knew.

As such, it was strangely amusing to see him then shift toward the older twin sister of Risa, Harada Riku, who was so very different from her sister in so many regards. Even her eyes held almost nothing in common with her sister, even if the DNA structure was identical. Riku's eyes just seemed so much more… closed off. Cynical and guarded, as if wary of letting other people see behind them; to peer into her soul, which her sister had no problem with.

It made Satoshi wince slightly for they reminded him of his own eyes. Not as unemotional and tragic as his, of course, but still there was a whiff of familiarity in them that Satoshi didn't like. Compared to her sister, Riku just lacked the spontaneity of Risa, coming across to him not as fresh.

Daisuke, though, would never hear of this musing of Satoshi's. Of that Satoshi wanted to be sure of, particularly knowing how important the older twin had become to him. Still, even in Daisuke's case, neither held that oddly alluring aura that the younger Harada possessed, and which Satoshi could never really properly pinpoint the origin of.

Turning his gaze back toward the said girl, he noted her still giggling with her friends and to their stories, while stuffing a soggy piece of tempura in her mouth. How curious how she could even make eating lunch look like the most fun thing one could think of to do in the world. Yet this was the impression Satoshi was left with.

In a way it was odd to see anybody behaving like that in the world of today, dominated by ever increasing cynicism, mistrust and loathing of the simple pleasures of life. Yet somehow time from another era had seemingly stopped still within this girl, offering a glimpse to a world where ideals and simple wishing was still taken as granted of the truthfulness of the world. It was a world Satoshi was never going to know and which didn't officially exist to him, but it still felt somewhat reassuring to see a glimpse of it regardless from this lonely, isolated seat he always occupied.

He was fully aware that that was all he would ever get, but… he didn't mind. Only the knowledge that it indeed was there; sitting just a little way from him, gushing of one whim after another, was compensation enough. And for Hiwatari Satoshi, to have the luxury of being able to subtly glance within those lustrous amber eyes toward a forbidden world, that seemed to signal to him that all would right itself out in the end, was enough.

Mesmerizing. The perfect word.

_

* * *

Sorry if Satoshi sounds OOC, but well, since you never know what he's thinking anyway, who's to say? Just Satoshi wishing for a better life than what he has… No particular reason to write it. And I supposed the ending could have been better, but oh, well. Just thought I'd indulge myself a little here. Takes place somewhere post-Argentine kidnapping._


End file.
